I got what I wanted, and it taught me a bigger lesson

One of my biggest struggles has always been knowing what I truly want.

And that becomes a problem when you’re trying to intentionally create a life that feels aligned.

How can you build toward something when you’re not fully clear on what you’re asking for?

This has shown up very clearly in my relationships.

Many years ago, before my last long-term relationship, I created a very specific image in my mind of the type of man I wanted to be with.

I imagined someone tall, with tan skin, dark hair, green eyes, and someone who was also very spiritual.

Someone adventurous.

Someone who loved nature.

Someone I could have fun with.

Someone who shared similar beliefs and interests.

And then…I met him.

Not on a dating app.

Not through forcing anything.

I met him organically, and he matched that description almost exactly.

I was honestly surprised at how closely he aligned with what I had imagined. As a psychic, I had even sensed his name ahead of time, which made the whole experience feel even more surreal.

It felt like proof that I could create exactly what I wanted.

But what I wasn’t specific enough about was character.

I didn’t think deeply enough about emotional maturity.

Respect.

Stability.

Peace.

How I wanted to feel in a relationship long-term.

Over time, he became increasingly controlling.

He became deeply consumed by conspiracy theories.

He began disrespecting me because I worked in science and made personal choices that didn’t align with his beliefs.

And I slowly realized that attraction and shared spiritual interests are not enough to sustain a healthy relationship.

That relationship taught me that clarity goes far beyond physical traits, chemistry, or shared hobbies.

It requires asking deeper questions.

How do you want your life to feel with this person?

Peaceful?

Supportive?

Safe?

Fun?

Expansive?

And sometimes the clearest way to figure that out is by looking at your past relationships.

What did you genuinely appreciate?

What made you feel supported?

And what created stress, confusion, or instability?

If someone was controlling, what would respect look like instead?

If someone was dismissive, what would emotional safety look like?

If someone was inconsistent, what would stability look like?

Sometimes we say we want love, loyalty, or respect—but we’ve never clearly defined what those things actually look like in real life.

That’s often why people ignore red flags simply because someone appears to be the dream on paper.

I’ve reached a point where I would rather be alone than invite chaos into a life I’ve worked very hard to build.

Sometimes difficult experiences aren’t proof that you failed.

Sometimes they simply help you become clearer about what you truly want—and what you no longer want to tolerate.

And that kind of clarity is valuable.

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